As many people now do, I prepared a birth plan prior to my delivery. Having read a number of books and articles I understood that childbirth rarely goes as planned but I also wanted to outline some preferences. My birth plan read as follows:
Baby Due Date: September 17, 2014
Birth Plan
- * ability to labor and push in various positions (rather than on back)
- * intermitten fetal monitoring
* heparin lock (if available)
* no induction until 41 1/2 weeks pregnant or after 12 hours of stalled labor
*if pitocin is neccessary, request to start with lowest dosage
* no episiotomy
* epidural once pain is too hard to manage (so I do not restrict mobility too soon)
* avoid C-section unless absolutely necessary
* once baby is born; request for a copy of the baby footprints and Apgar score.
As I have mentioned before, I love my OBGYN. He found my requests reasonable and he felt they could be accommodated. On my end, I let him know that I understand things may not go according to plan.
I read too many accounts were people were devastated when childbirth didn't go as planned. It's another reason why I tried educating myself on the variables so that I could be prepared if something came up. My boyfriend hates that I research and overanalyze everything and he feels I focus on the negative. I see it as preparing for the worst; this way if all goes smooth I can be pleasantly surprised but if things go bad at least I'm aware of what may happen and I'm less stressed or scared since I " prepared" for it mentally.
My due date:
By the end of my pregnancy I was seeing my doctor weekly. At week 39, a week before my due date everything looked good. My baby girl had been in down facing position and I had already been dilated 1 cm as of week 36. I'd see my doctor for another check up the afternoon of my due date, unless I went into labor first.
September 17th came around and still no baby so I went for my check up. I had mixed feelings at this point; anxious for the baby to get here, nervous about labor- specifically the pain, tried of being pregnant and uncomfortable all the time (sleeping, sitting, etc). I know most people don't have their child on the due date since it's just an estimate. Since the little one didn't make an appearance yet I figured she'd be late. I myself was born 2 weeks past my due date. So it was a bit of a shock, going in to see the doctor, to find out that the amniotic fluid was very low (which I noticed and saw in the ultrasound myself) and my docotor's suggestion to induce labor.
As indicated on my birth plan, I didn't want to induce and figured I can wait for the baby at least until 41 and 1/2 weeks. My doctor gave me two options; he said we can wait and I'd come in for another check up in 4-5 days. However in his opinion if I want a vaginal birth I was better off inducing now rather than later before more of the fluids were gone. The fluids help cushion and squeeze the baby and move her down during contractions. Without the fluid, some babies panic and go into distress from the muscle contractions during labor resulting in fetal distress- hence C-section. My other option was to go to the hospital, start on Pitocin to induce labor and hopefully have a vaginal birth by the next morning. We settled on a compromise. I wanted at least a day to see if the baby comes on her own; I told my doctor that I'd go to the hospital the next evening to be induced if I didn't go into labor on my own. He warned me that as I wait the fluids can diminish but he agreed to my compromise.
I was nervous that night but also excited that I'd soon meet my baby. Knowing I'd be induced let my partner and I plan for the birth. We'd go in by the following evening. My boyfriend decided to get a good nights rest at his family's house since our futon isn't too comfortable and my big belly and pregnancy pillows took up most of our full size bed. For that reason my boyfriend had been sleeping in our living room for over a month. We figured we'd both need a good nights sleep. He stayed by his mom's house and I had our home to myself.
Early Labor:
I had been having abdominal pains for the last few weeks. It's normal to have contractions leading up to the birth since it helps the body prepare for labor. So that night I didn't think much of the pains I was having. As the night went on I began to wonder if these weren't actually labor contractions. By early morning (around 4-5am) the pain was intense and I found that rocking on an exercise ball was the only way to get some relief. I wasn't sure how much more I could take before needing to go to the hospital- yet the contractions never stayed in a true rhythm. During the one and only birth class we took, they taught us that labor is a long process and not like the movies. I'd have plenty of time before needing to go to the hospital. They suggest that we wait till contractions are at least 4- 5 minutes apart, lasting a minute and that this continue for at least an hour. Although I was having contractions every 4-5 minutes it wouldn't last an hour. It would continue for 30-40 minutes and then the spacing between contractions grew. Either it was stalling or this was just false labor. I kept waiting for it to become consistent. I had thought of calling my boyfriend to have him come back but there really wasn't much for him to do for me and I wanted him to save his strength for the hospital when I'd really need him. It was the same with the doctor, I thought of calling him but why wake him up at 6am when I knew he'd just send me to the hospital and I'd have more waiting.
The contractions subsided a bit and I finally started dozing off as I hadn't slept all night. I was surprised when my OBGYN called at 9:30 am. He wanted to check in and see how I am and when I planned to go in for the induction. I let him know about my night and the contractions. He told me not to wait longer and to head over to the hospital after grabbing some breakfast and gathering my things.
Arriving at the hospital:
We didn't make it to the hospital until 11:45am. Part of the delay was that I could not get my boyfriend on the phone. He was fast asleep and no one was answering the phone (not his cell, nor the house line there). Luckily his family only lives a few houses down the street, so I walked over and rang the door bell till I woke everyone up to let them know "it's time." The other reason it took us so long is that we didn't feel rushed since I wasn't in active labor and I wanted to stay calm.
Early Labor:
I had been having abdominal pains for the last few weeks. It's normal to have contractions leading up to the birth since it helps the body prepare for labor. So that night I didn't think much of the pains I was having. As the night went on I began to wonder if these weren't actually labor contractions. By early morning (around 4-5am) the pain was intense and I found that rocking on an exercise ball was the only way to get some relief. I wasn't sure how much more I could take before needing to go to the hospital- yet the contractions never stayed in a true rhythm. During the one and only birth class we took, they taught us that labor is a long process and not like the movies. I'd have plenty of time before needing to go to the hospital. They suggest that we wait till contractions are at least 4- 5 minutes apart, lasting a minute and that this continue for at least an hour. Although I was having contractions every 4-5 minutes it wouldn't last an hour. It would continue for 30-40 minutes and then the spacing between contractions grew. Either it was stalling or this was just false labor. I kept waiting for it to become consistent. I had thought of calling my boyfriend to have him come back but there really wasn't much for him to do for me and I wanted him to save his strength for the hospital when I'd really need him. It was the same with the doctor, I thought of calling him but why wake him up at 6am when I knew he'd just send me to the hospital and I'd have more waiting.
The contractions subsided a bit and I finally started dozing off as I hadn't slept all night. I was surprised when my OBGYN called at 9:30 am. He wanted to check in and see how I am and when I planned to go in for the induction. I let him know about my night and the contractions. He told me not to wait longer and to head over to the hospital after grabbing some breakfast and gathering my things.
Arriving at the hospital:
We didn't make it to the hospital until 11:45am. Part of the delay was that I could not get my boyfriend on the phone. He was fast asleep and no one was answering the phone (not his cell, nor the house line there). Luckily his family only lives a few houses down the street, so I walked over and rang the door bell till I woke everyone up to let them know "it's time." The other reason it took us so long is that we didn't feel rushed since I wasn't in active labor and I wanted to stay calm.
When we got to the labor and delivery department of the hospital I was told to fill out some paperwork and wait in the triage waiting room. Administration came out to speak to me and remind me that since I do not have insurance I would be billed and responsible to pay. They offered a special reduced price for being self pay but only if I could put done $2,000 on the spot. I didn't have that kind of money so had to decline. I was then reminded that I would be billed the full amount. I know it's their job but I could have done without the added stress. My attention turned from trying to stay calm to freaking out about the finances but my boyfriend reassured me that we'd figure it out later and not to get worked up about it now. I was glad he was there with me and he would end out being an excellent "coach" and support person during labor.
Since my doctor had called the hospital and informed them that his patient was coming in to be induced we skipped the triage exam and a nurse (Krystal) took us in. I was already admitted and a room was assigned to me; room 3 on the 3rd floor. Krystal would be my nurse until the shift change at 7pm. The first hour was all administrative; she took basic information about me. I was given a gown and socks to change into and I was hooked up to a fetal monitor for monitoring the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. The nurse had me get in bed when she hooked up the monitors and my movements were restricted already. That was one thing off my do not want list. I also had an IV put in and all my consent forms had to be signed.
The induction:
My doctor would be arriving soon but Krystal want ahead to do my cervical exam just before 2pm. I was at 3 cm, not yet effaced (maybe half way) but my cervix was ripe. Just as she finished, my OBGYN arrived. Krystal filled him in and since the Pitocin wasn't started my doctor allowed me one last meal (lunch). He also allowed me to get out of bed, but the monitors and IV restricted me to a chair. I couldn't leave the room but the nurse got me a tuna sandwich from the snack fridge. At 2:30pm, I was started on Pitocin so that it can start my contractions (which had stalled prior to reaching the hospital). I also had a blood pressure cuff put on as well as a heartbeat monitor for me put on my finger. This was not going according to my birth plan, but that's how it goes.
My doctor left but the staff would keep him informed. I spent the next few hours in the chair killing time. The contractions started but they weren't as intense as I felt at 6am. Teddy would make jokes and keep me calm, although I knew he was as anxious as I was or probably more nervous than me. We killed time listening to music, playing cards, and talking. Krystal would routinely check in on my. She was friendly and I was happy to find out that each nurse was assigned only 2 patients at a time so she would come in often and answer all my questions.
Teddy stayed with me the whole time... well except for the breaks I "allowed him" to leave. His mother and aunt had come to the hospital even though they knew the labor could take many hours. Visitors aren't allowed in the labor/ delivery room so they were in the visitor waiting area on the above floor. Teddy went out to see them a few times. I of course was confined to my room. The hospital I had my baby at allowed 2 "coaches" in the L&D room. One is usually the husband/ bf/ father. The other could be another relative or a professional assistant such as a doula. I had just Teddy (although I offered to list my mom as a second coach so that she'd have access to see me during early labor). But I let her know that when things pick up and I get close to delivery, I'd rather she wasn't in the room. In the end my mother was busy with work and I told her I was fine with Teddy. She decided to hold off till the baby arrives to visit.
At 7pm, I still had not progressed much even though my Pitocin dosage had been increased. Krystal finished her shift but she looked into who my night nurse would be. I ended out having two. One nurse was new to the floor and training with another experienced nurse. I'd routinely get my cervix exams from the nurses and the on call doctor. They then would relay the info to my doctor. It was very strange at first to have random people putting their hands inside me and checking my cervix routinely but by the end of childbirth I became used to this and lost any sense of modesty.
Things pick up quickly- real Labor:
Originally my doctor was hopeful that I'd have the baby by diner time or late evening. When he came to check up on me I was only at about 4 cm. Teddy had just stepped out to grab some dinner that a friend brought to the hospital for him. It was about 8pm. I remember since it was Thursday and we were looking forward to Thursday night football. I love football and it would be a good distraction during labor. My doctor did another cervix exam and then he broke my water.
Things got pretty intense very quickly. The water breaking was a hot gush of fluid. It didn't feel like peeing myself but a strange awareness of hot liquid flowing out of me in a few installments. The contractions intensified very quickly and I felt nauseas all the sudden. The contraction pains went from about a level 4 to 8 (on a scale of 0-10). From the start I knew that I'd get an epidural but I planned to hold out as long as possible. I knew that the side effects from the epidural are worse if it's used for longer so I planned to hold off as long as possible. Suddenly I didn't think I'd be able to hold off long at all. With the intense contractions I wanted to call for an epidural within 15 minutes of my water being broken- but I held off. I didn't want to be a wuss. I think the worst part was how sudden the transition was and also that Teddy wasn't in the room when it all happened. I felt vulnerable and alone. I lasted about an hour before I knew I needed the epidural. At that point it was an internal monologue- thinking- " why are you suffering? you don't need to deal with this pain, just get the drug," BUT "maybe I can hold out a few more minutes" or "I'll ask for the epidural the next time a nurse comes in." In the end I don't remember if I gave in and paged the nurse or if I held out till someone looked in on me. I reached my pain tolerance and needed the epidural NOW.
I also don't remember at what point Teddy came back. I do know that the room he left was not the same one he came back to. When he left to meet his friend and eat I was calm and alert with little pain. I remember there being an unpleasant smell when they broke my water. No surprise as it's all amniotic fluid that has been there for months- full of baby waste. Teddy left me comfortable with mild contractions, ready for some football. He came back to me huddled up to one of the handrails on the bed in fetal position in pain- barely talking. I tried to concentrate on getting through the pain. I was sweating and laying in my fluids and the room stunk.
I couldn't pay attention to the football game and I waited for the anesthesiologist to give me the epidural. It was ordered but by the time it was placed two hours passed from when my water was broken. Two hours of painful contractions was enough for me.
The placement of the epidural was uncomfortable but not very painful. I had an additional problem with it since my back has a bit of a curve to it. My leg discrepancy from hip dysplasia has effected my back. I told the anesthesiologist about my hip dysplasia but I wasn't sure if it would affect the epi. He was the one that told me there is a curve to my spine and because of that the epidural placement took a little longer than usual but it did not affect how it would work.
When you opt for an epidural you automatically get a catheter since you no longer have the ability to feel the urge to pee nor do you have the capability to get out of bed. The epidural further restricted my movements. Although the epi dulled much of the pain I was still uncomfortable and felt pressure on my pelvic region and I was very aware that I was in active labor. Things only got worse.
Things get scary:
I did not have pain in the same sense as prior to the epidural but I did feel intense pressure on my hip/ pelvic area and although everything was dull I knew all the time laying on my back was causing me pain. I tried rolling to my side but when I did, I started to feel hot, then I got extremely nauseated and thought I would vomit or pass out. The machine began to beep like crazy- the nursed rushed in. They checked the monitors, helped move me to lay on my back, put an oxygen mask on me, put a wet cloth on my forehead, and tried calming me and get the heartbeat back to normal. It seems that both my heart rate elevated and then the baby went into distress and her heartbeat was crazy fast. Everything seemed to go back to normal, the oxygen mask was taken off, and everything looked ok- but we had a bit of a scare. Once things calmed down the nurses left.
And then- it happened AGAIN and AGAIN. The second was the same as the first but the machine seemed to beep like crazy for longer and the baby heartbeat took longer to calm down. My doctor had been notified but they needed to called in another doctor to check on me and the baby. The fetal monitor that was strapped to my belly was no longer sufficient to monitor the baby heartbeat and they had to go in vaginally and screw in a monitor to the baby's head to monitor her. There I laying in bed- with lots of tubes, cords, and straps to monitor me and baby, an epi in my back, catheter and internal fetal monitor in my "undercarriage", blood pressure cuff/ IV/ and heart monitor on my arm. This was not at all how I envisioned the birth of my child. And then it happened again! It always began the same way- I'd start to feel hot and week- as if I would pass out, then the nausea swept in, followed by my elevated heart and then baby distress. The beeping machines only worried me more. It was bad. I looked over at Teddy and he looked TERRIFIED! I began to wonder if I would lose the baby. "This can't happen. I can't lose her now. Calm down" I thought. I began to focus on breathing slowly and calming myself and once I was better I focused on the baby. I don't know why but I felt like I could calm her down. We're connected after all- she's inside me. I thought I'd look crazy if I spoke out loud- but maybe she can hear my thoughts somehow. Ok it seems dumb now but at the time it made me feel like I was doing something. I had a conversation with my baby in my head. I kept thinking- it's ok baby girl. Calm down. It's alright. You're ok. On instinct I began rubbing my belly. I did this often during the end of my pregnancy when I'd sit alone and think of my baby. Laying in the bed- I gently rubbed the baby and focused on calming her. Eventually it worked! ok, so more likely than not- I calmed myself down and with time the baby was able to calm down but I like to think that it was the connection between us and her feeling that "mommy is there for her and it'll be ok." that helped.
After that third distress, I knew that I could no longer move around on the bed- I needed to lay flat, my bed reclined flat, the oxygen mask needed to stay on constantly. I was exhausted. I can't say how much time passed or what the time frame between each of the distress calls. I also remember taking small naps and Teddy dozing off on the heard bench against the wall- but I don't recall if this was before all the panic and distress or between the three or if we finally got some rest after. Regardless we made it to morning and still no baby. The nurses checked me again and believed I was getting there but soon my doctor arrived and when he checked I was only around the 6-7 cm mark. "We're going to need to do a Cesarean section." He said it, the words I feared most. I did not want this. Then again I can't say I didn't see it coming. It was just after 6am Friday morning. My night nurses would be finishing up their shift. I had been in the hospital since 11:45am the day before. Between 2pm Thursday when they pushed the Pitocin and started my labor and this point- I'd been in labor 18 hours! It couldn't go on. My OBGYN said the baby's head hadn't made it down the pelvis.
Unavoidable:
I knew a C-section was unavoidable. I knew it was the only way. Throughout the night I had intense pelvic pressure. Early in my pregnancy I read about high rates of C-sections for mothers with hip dysplasia. I even checked with my orthopedic but he was hopeful that I could have a vaginal birth and that my hip joint deformation wouldn't interfere. Ultimately it seems my biology resulted in the baby having difficulty reaching the birth canal and caused the labor to stale. We could wait but there was no point- I would need surgery to get my baby girl out. I knew this- but I asked the doctor for some time to mentally prepare. He agreed but he let me know he would notify the ER we were coming soon.
Things did not go at all according to my birth plan. Not one bit but I tried and I honestly feel that my OBGYN did everything to honor my requests. I did not want a C-section but I truly feel that I exhausted my options first. I delayed going to the hospital, I had the opportunity to begin labor at home- even though it stalled, and I had hours between when the Pitocin was started, when the doses were increased, I was allowed 6 hours from the start of the induction before my water was broken, and all night before the call was made to have surgery. I don't have regrets because we tried everything we could- I labored for 18 hours in the hospital (not counting the night at home of early labor).
Since my doctor had called the hospital and informed them that his patient was coming in to be induced we skipped the triage exam and a nurse (Krystal) took us in. I was already admitted and a room was assigned to me; room 3 on the 3rd floor. Krystal would be my nurse until the shift change at 7pm. The first hour was all administrative; she took basic information about me. I was given a gown and socks to change into and I was hooked up to a fetal monitor for monitoring the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. The nurse had me get in bed when she hooked up the monitors and my movements were restricted already. That was one thing off my do not want list. I also had an IV put in and all my consent forms had to be signed.
The induction:
My doctor would be arriving soon but Krystal want ahead to do my cervical exam just before 2pm. I was at 3 cm, not yet effaced (maybe half way) but my cervix was ripe. Just as she finished, my OBGYN arrived. Krystal filled him in and since the Pitocin wasn't started my doctor allowed me one last meal (lunch). He also allowed me to get out of bed, but the monitors and IV restricted me to a chair. I couldn't leave the room but the nurse got me a tuna sandwich from the snack fridge. At 2:30pm, I was started on Pitocin so that it can start my contractions (which had stalled prior to reaching the hospital). I also had a blood pressure cuff put on as well as a heartbeat monitor for me put on my finger. This was not going according to my birth plan, but that's how it goes.
My doctor left but the staff would keep him informed. I spent the next few hours in the chair killing time. The contractions started but they weren't as intense as I felt at 6am. Teddy would make jokes and keep me calm, although I knew he was as anxious as I was or probably more nervous than me. We killed time listening to music, playing cards, and talking. Krystal would routinely check in on my. She was friendly and I was happy to find out that each nurse was assigned only 2 patients at a time so she would come in often and answer all my questions.
Teddy stayed with me the whole time... well except for the breaks I "allowed him" to leave. His mother and aunt had come to the hospital even though they knew the labor could take many hours. Visitors aren't allowed in the labor/ delivery room so they were in the visitor waiting area on the above floor. Teddy went out to see them a few times. I of course was confined to my room. The hospital I had my baby at allowed 2 "coaches" in the L&D room. One is usually the husband/ bf/ father. The other could be another relative or a professional assistant such as a doula. I had just Teddy (although I offered to list my mom as a second coach so that she'd have access to see me during early labor). But I let her know that when things pick up and I get close to delivery, I'd rather she wasn't in the room. In the end my mother was busy with work and I told her I was fine with Teddy. She decided to hold off till the baby arrives to visit.
At 7pm, I still had not progressed much even though my Pitocin dosage had been increased. Krystal finished her shift but she looked into who my night nurse would be. I ended out having two. One nurse was new to the floor and training with another experienced nurse. I'd routinely get my cervix exams from the nurses and the on call doctor. They then would relay the info to my doctor. It was very strange at first to have random people putting their hands inside me and checking my cervix routinely but by the end of childbirth I became used to this and lost any sense of modesty.
Things pick up quickly- real Labor:
Originally my doctor was hopeful that I'd have the baby by diner time or late evening. When he came to check up on me I was only at about 4 cm. Teddy had just stepped out to grab some dinner that a friend brought to the hospital for him. It was about 8pm. I remember since it was Thursday and we were looking forward to Thursday night football. I love football and it would be a good distraction during labor. My doctor did another cervix exam and then he broke my water.
Things got pretty intense very quickly. The water breaking was a hot gush of fluid. It didn't feel like peeing myself but a strange awareness of hot liquid flowing out of me in a few installments. The contractions intensified very quickly and I felt nauseas all the sudden. The contraction pains went from about a level 4 to 8 (on a scale of 0-10). From the start I knew that I'd get an epidural but I planned to hold out as long as possible. I knew that the side effects from the epidural are worse if it's used for longer so I planned to hold off as long as possible. Suddenly I didn't think I'd be able to hold off long at all. With the intense contractions I wanted to call for an epidural within 15 minutes of my water being broken- but I held off. I didn't want to be a wuss. I think the worst part was how sudden the transition was and also that Teddy wasn't in the room when it all happened. I felt vulnerable and alone. I lasted about an hour before I knew I needed the epidural. At that point it was an internal monologue- thinking- " why are you suffering? you don't need to deal with this pain, just get the drug," BUT "maybe I can hold out a few more minutes" or "I'll ask for the epidural the next time a nurse comes in." In the end I don't remember if I gave in and paged the nurse or if I held out till someone looked in on me. I reached my pain tolerance and needed the epidural NOW.
I also don't remember at what point Teddy came back. I do know that the room he left was not the same one he came back to. When he left to meet his friend and eat I was calm and alert with little pain. I remember there being an unpleasant smell when they broke my water. No surprise as it's all amniotic fluid that has been there for months- full of baby waste. Teddy left me comfortable with mild contractions, ready for some football. He came back to me huddled up to one of the handrails on the bed in fetal position in pain- barely talking. I tried to concentrate on getting through the pain. I was sweating and laying in my fluids and the room stunk.
I couldn't pay attention to the football game and I waited for the anesthesiologist to give me the epidural. It was ordered but by the time it was placed two hours passed from when my water was broken. Two hours of painful contractions was enough for me.
The placement of the epidural was uncomfortable but not very painful. I had an additional problem with it since my back has a bit of a curve to it. My leg discrepancy from hip dysplasia has effected my back. I told the anesthesiologist about my hip dysplasia but I wasn't sure if it would affect the epi. He was the one that told me there is a curve to my spine and because of that the epidural placement took a little longer than usual but it did not affect how it would work.
When you opt for an epidural you automatically get a catheter since you no longer have the ability to feel the urge to pee nor do you have the capability to get out of bed. The epidural further restricted my movements. Although the epi dulled much of the pain I was still uncomfortable and felt pressure on my pelvic region and I was very aware that I was in active labor. Things only got worse.
Things get scary:
I did not have pain in the same sense as prior to the epidural but I did feel intense pressure on my hip/ pelvic area and although everything was dull I knew all the time laying on my back was causing me pain. I tried rolling to my side but when I did, I started to feel hot, then I got extremely nauseated and thought I would vomit or pass out. The machine began to beep like crazy- the nursed rushed in. They checked the monitors, helped move me to lay on my back, put an oxygen mask on me, put a wet cloth on my forehead, and tried calming me and get the heartbeat back to normal. It seems that both my heart rate elevated and then the baby went into distress and her heartbeat was crazy fast. Everything seemed to go back to normal, the oxygen mask was taken off, and everything looked ok- but we had a bit of a scare. Once things calmed down the nurses left.
And then- it happened AGAIN and AGAIN. The second was the same as the first but the machine seemed to beep like crazy for longer and the baby heartbeat took longer to calm down. My doctor had been notified but they needed to called in another doctor to check on me and the baby. The fetal monitor that was strapped to my belly was no longer sufficient to monitor the baby heartbeat and they had to go in vaginally and screw in a monitor to the baby's head to monitor her. There I laying in bed- with lots of tubes, cords, and straps to monitor me and baby, an epi in my back, catheter and internal fetal monitor in my "undercarriage", blood pressure cuff/ IV/ and heart monitor on my arm. This was not at all how I envisioned the birth of my child. And then it happened again! It always began the same way- I'd start to feel hot and week- as if I would pass out, then the nausea swept in, followed by my elevated heart and then baby distress. The beeping machines only worried me more. It was bad. I looked over at Teddy and he looked TERRIFIED! I began to wonder if I would lose the baby. "This can't happen. I can't lose her now. Calm down" I thought. I began to focus on breathing slowly and calming myself and once I was better I focused on the baby. I don't know why but I felt like I could calm her down. We're connected after all- she's inside me. I thought I'd look crazy if I spoke out loud- but maybe she can hear my thoughts somehow. Ok it seems dumb now but at the time it made me feel like I was doing something. I had a conversation with my baby in my head. I kept thinking- it's ok baby girl. Calm down. It's alright. You're ok. On instinct I began rubbing my belly. I did this often during the end of my pregnancy when I'd sit alone and think of my baby. Laying in the bed- I gently rubbed the baby and focused on calming her. Eventually it worked! ok, so more likely than not- I calmed myself down and with time the baby was able to calm down but I like to think that it was the connection between us and her feeling that "mommy is there for her and it'll be ok." that helped.
After that third distress, I knew that I could no longer move around on the bed- I needed to lay flat, my bed reclined flat, the oxygen mask needed to stay on constantly. I was exhausted. I can't say how much time passed or what the time frame between each of the distress calls. I also remember taking small naps and Teddy dozing off on the heard bench against the wall- but I don't recall if this was before all the panic and distress or between the three or if we finally got some rest after. Regardless we made it to morning and still no baby. The nurses checked me again and believed I was getting there but soon my doctor arrived and when he checked I was only around the 6-7 cm mark. "We're going to need to do a Cesarean section." He said it, the words I feared most. I did not want this. Then again I can't say I didn't see it coming. It was just after 6am Friday morning. My night nurses would be finishing up their shift. I had been in the hospital since 11:45am the day before. Between 2pm Thursday when they pushed the Pitocin and started my labor and this point- I'd been in labor 18 hours! It couldn't go on. My OBGYN said the baby's head hadn't made it down the pelvis.
Unavoidable:
I knew a C-section was unavoidable. I knew it was the only way. Throughout the night I had intense pelvic pressure. Early in my pregnancy I read about high rates of C-sections for mothers with hip dysplasia. I even checked with my orthopedic but he was hopeful that I could have a vaginal birth and that my hip joint deformation wouldn't interfere. Ultimately it seems my biology resulted in the baby having difficulty reaching the birth canal and caused the labor to stale. We could wait but there was no point- I would need surgery to get my baby girl out. I knew this- but I asked the doctor for some time to mentally prepare. He agreed but he let me know he would notify the ER we were coming soon.
Things did not go at all according to my birth plan. Not one bit but I tried and I honestly feel that my OBGYN did everything to honor my requests. I did not want a C-section but I truly feel that I exhausted my options first. I delayed going to the hospital, I had the opportunity to begin labor at home- even though it stalled, and I had hours between when the Pitocin was started, when the doses were increased, I was allowed 6 hours from the start of the induction before my water was broken, and all night before the call was made to have surgery. I don't have regrets because we tried everything we could- I labored for 18 hours in the hospital (not counting the night at home of early labor).
In the next post I'll recap the Caesarian section. Don't worry it won't be as long of a post as this.
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